Another day...

Thanks for all the wonderful comments about my pictures. It really made me feel good. It's so weird how I get anxiety and excitement over stuff all at the same time. But that's how I felt all day yesterday about having my pictures here. I was a little mortified that I had put that swimsuit picture up there but then I was also looking forward to every one's comments to me about my changes.


I had therapy yesterday that gives me that same anxiety/excitement feeling sometimes. Therapy went good though and I walked out of there feeling great (as I usually do). I sometimes wonder why everyone isn't in therapy lol. It really is good for the soul. Sure sometimes I know I'm going to talk about tough issues but I always know the end result is going to be some solutions or at least getting it off my chest and out in the open. I feel like I'm always recommending therapy now lol.


I told him all about my holidays and how I've had more anxiety in the past 2 weeks than I've had in a year. I told him about all my visits with family and my best friend. We talked about their issues too. What we came up with is that sometimes I get tired of being the "good girl" lol. We all have that little devil/angel thing going on inside of us. I look at my girlfriend and I look at my sisters and sometimes I feel darn jealous that they seem to do as they wish and yet I feel guilt over everything all the time. We talked about how much more calm my life is than theirs though which is very true. Not that my life is boring but just how my choices and decisions make my life easier in the long run.


He was right though when he said it seemed that sometimes it pisses me off that I mostly do the right thing. Sometimes it would be fun to just throw care to the wind and be crazy for awhile eat what I want, do what I want lol. Sometimes I want to call that a midlife crisis but I guess it's just me wanting to be selfish. I guess living my whole life not being selfish enough got me to 378 lbs though. So I guess I need it sometimes to just think of myself. Really it can just be called self care.



Hubby and I hit the gym last night. My chat with the therapist helped me realize that I deserve to be there and I shouldn't feel nervous or full of anxiety around all those newbies. So I tried my best to walk proud and just do what I always do and not feel self conscious, it did help. I did my last 3 circuit workout, I start back at 1 circuit on Thursday. I'll be upping the weight though so it will still be pushing me to something new.

Since hubby and I aren't doing the same routine now he just walked on the treadmill. He walked for a hour and a half, I was so proud of him. He seems to really be investing himself more. I'm hoping he will see a lose on the scale this week, he deserves it.


I've decided to stick with my BOM workouts. I had thought about my idea of changing my plan but really my exercise works for me. It really is the food that wasn't working for me. I need to get back to counting calories and eating as clean as possible. I need more veggies too. I'm doing fine with fruits but I only eat about one veggie a day. So this week I've been bringing my homemade soup for lunch and that's helping.

I took a peek at the scale this morning. It's looking like I might have a small gain at weigh-in tonight. I'm hoping all the water I've drank today will help me at least stay the same. I'm really not worried either way because I know now that the holidays are over I will be back in a normal routine.

Saturday I'll be seeing my other sister and nephew. I'm going to Baltimore with my nephew that lives with me. It's his mom and brother. I know it will be tough for both of us but hopefully it will go ok. After that it will be no more relatives for awhile lol.

Hubby goes for his sleep test on Friday. I think he'll be having to use a CPAP when it's all said and done. I'm almost positive he has sleep apnea.

Work stuff is going better, I'm hoping by next week to be done with what I'm working on.

Last night was the start of the new season of the Biggest Loser. Boy was it good, but then it's always good to me. I don't know if I've ever mentioned it but my 7 yr old daughter is addicted to the show. I'm not sure why but she will watch the same episodes over and over and over again lol. She loves Ruby too. I guess she's like me and she loves rooting people on. I can't wait to see the transformations of this seasons contestants.

Well I better get back to work.

Till tomorrow...