Friday!

Today is the 6th of January already.  I'm feeling pretty good emotionally.  I went to see Dr. N yesterday, it had been about a month or so since my last visit with him.  It was good to see him as always even though I cried a bit.  We talked about Kevin quite a bit and his father passing and also about my extended family in general. 

Not sure I've mentioned it but my dad is homeless these past 3 or so weeks living in his truck by his own decision.  He had been living with my sister (Kevin's mom) the past 3 or so years and I guess they had a fight and he chose to leave and she told him if he did he wasn't coming back.  He could also go get help finding a place but my dad and his love affair with alcohol is more important to him than a roof over his head I believe.  But then I'm just guessing since I haven't talked to my dad in probably 2 yrs now.  I won't go into things but I don't have plans of helping my father.  I think at some point in his life he will have to eventually realize that he has to take accountability for where he is in life and stop blaming others.  But then at 75 yrs old I'm guessing he probably won't ever  do that. 

What I got out of therapy today though was that though I still struggle at times with things in my life and people in my life I still push myself to do the right thing and be the person I want to be.  Even if no one else around me makes that effort I can know that I am still trying to be healthier mentally and physically.  I may fall down sometimes but I always get back up and face things head on and move towards what I want. 

Something Dr. N said to me that really hit home was he thinks I'm allergic to discomfort lol.  How true is that for me, boy, oh boy.  I'm talking emotional discomfort of course.  But he also pointed out to me how so often I choose to face that discomfort more times than not instead of running from it.  He said far more people tend to run away from it.  I on the other hand can't stand to have things unsettled so I want to try to fix things.  Of course that isn't always possible especially when you are dealing with other people.  But at least I make the effort :)  It felt good to realize that about myself. 

So TOPS was Wednesday night.  My weight was up like 5 lbs from last week.  I won't make excuses for myself but I don't believe that is all real weight and I will just buckle down this week and see what happens next week.  I put together a challenge for my group and I'm hopeful we will get to work and lose some weight over the next 6 weeks together.  I'm back to tracking my food and though my days aren't looking the best at least I'm making myself be aware. 

I've not been sleeping well and it's TTOM so I'm just feeling really worn down.  I didn't get to the gym last night and for me that's rare to find myself talking myself out of going.   I would like to go tonight but again I'm feeling exhausted so I just don't know.  I'm thinking maybe I will leave work a bit early, take a nice nap and then go to the gym.  Need to fit some kid time in there too as I feel Nick and Marie both could use some mom time.

Nick is really struggling these days.  Him and Mike had therapy yesterday too and it didn't go the best.  Nick has been feeling very angry and says nothing makes him happy anymore.  The therapist is going to give him a test next visit to see if he's depressed and we will go from there.  I did talk to him last night and I feel somewhat better that it's not so serious I need to worry about his well being but I remember myself at 14 so if he takes after me I do have worries.  But we are doing what we can and hopefully with time he will get to feeling better. 

Anyway, I'm hanging in here, glad it's Friday and ready for a nice weekend.  Hope everyone else has a nice weekend too.

Till next time...