It's Friday!!!

I'm glad it's Friday, even though this weekend is going to be all about cleaning house.  The house just hasn't had a good clean in a long time so it's time.  Plus the kids are growing like weeds and have out grown so many clothes that we need to just haul all that stuff off to the thrift store.  Not to mention Mike and I have some clothing that needs to go as well.  It will be a great feeling cleaning all the dressers and closets out and actually having the clothes we wear in them :)  Though I'm not looking foreword to the cleaning I'm looking foreword to the end result.

So yesterday was a success with my CBNT (Calorie Bank and Trust) and I didn't even eat my burned calories like I said I could if I wanted to.  I burned over 700 calories at the gym too so I'm looking for this week to be a good one.  Today has been a good day too so far and I even went out to lunch.  I've just been trying to make lower calorie choices and think before I eat.  Of course this isn't nothing new for me.  I'm just trying to put myself back in the losing weight mentality instead of the maintenance.  Though they are very similar maintenance does allow for more food. 

I'm having anxiety at the gym these days when I'm in the free weights area.  It feels like when I first started lifting weights back in my bigger days.  Now don't laugh, but I really think it's the new boobs.  I just feel like I'm being looked at all the time.  Maybe it's just that I'm more aware now then I use to be but it's still not a good feeling.  I feel like I'm always adjusting my clothes and trying to cover myself with my arms lol.  I know being the only female usually over there doesn't help either.  There is a women's workout room at my gym but it's small and smelly and just doesn't have much in there so I really don't want to get to the point of feeling the need to workout in there.  I sure hope I can get over this soon.  I know I workout for myself so really I need to stop worrying about others.  Something to work on.

I appreciated the comments on yesterdays post.  I am working on that old stuff in therapy and will talk about what feelings came up while reading Sean's book next week with Dr. N.  I do think I've worked through a lot of stuff but yes there is still stuff left to work on and I do know that the past does shadow me in the present.  But I also realize I don't have to let it.  I know I didn't deserve or cause the things that happened to me in my childhood and it doesn't have to be how I care for myself or others now.  I will continue working on myself inside and out.

Not that long ago I did have a conversation with my mom that maybe helped her understand better but concerning my dad I don't know that I will ever talk about things because honestly I don't think he would ever admit to anything or would claim he didn't remember.  As for my sisters, well I think they suffered more than I did since they were older so when it comes to them I do understand why they are how they are today.  I do hope at sometime in the future maybe the fences can be mended with them somewhat as well as with my mom. 

Well I better get back to work.  Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Till next time...