TOPS Wednesday

Well it's TOPS Wednesday and I'm very ready.  I still don't think I will be back in leeway (183 or less) but I think I will be close tonight and that really makes me happy.  I honestly didn't think I could drop so many lbs in just a week.  What it really tells me is how much lack of sleep and stress affect the scale for me.  I honestly have only been within my calorie range to lose a half lb this week since Sunday.  Wed through Sat I was over my calories everyday.  So what this all says to me is I need to just relax more and stop all the obsessing I do about things.  It also tells me I need more sleep.  Another thing is I haven't been eating at night and have been back to having tea or coffee instead. 

I think the biggest loser contest is going to be a big motivator for me too.  I do want to be a motivator for my team and help them also.  I'm really grateful to S for going to classes with me.  We went to a "sweatshop" class last night and man was it a great workout.  But even better than that, there were like 50 people crammed in that little room and I didn't feel a bit of anxiety.  It was a great feeling and I really do attribute it to knowing I had S there with me :) Also, the instructor was the trainer that use to train with Mike and I so that helped too.  I would have to say that is hands down my favorite class so far.  It was just moving fast pace, no equipment, no fancy moves, just basic high impact cardio.  I will definitely try to take that class every week now. 

My body is really feeling the effects of doing all the different stuff.  I must say though that my bum shoulder has been hurting me a lot in the past several weeks.  I think in part to doing different stuff but also in part to lifting heavier weights.  But I'm starting to think too that the heavier weights might have been what hiked up the scale so high and getting in the higher impact cardio this week is helping it to fall back off.  I can really see the muscle definition in my arms coming back more the past few weeks too.  It's definitely a balancing act trying to figure out the weight lifting to cardio ratio that will allow the muscles to grow but still let some of the fat come off.  You would think I would have it down by now after all this time lol. 

Over the weekend I did work on my plastic surgery blog a bit and I must admit the thought of actually putting those pictures anywhere kind of freaked me out.  I know it will be a "private" blog but just thinking that I didn't even let my best friend of 35 yrs see me mostly naked till just recently really made me think.  I talked the whole thing over with a good friend that I had shown the pictures to already and asked her opinion on the whole thing.  She said having seen me really helped her know what to expect when she loses weight (she is my previous size).  She said it showed her what the reality of it all is with or without surgery.  She also said that I should put a disclaimer at the top that says if you think it will depress you don't look lol.  But I have a feeling it will kind of be like a train wreck and people won't be able to help themselves lol.  But just realize that no matter if you have the fat, loose skin, or still some loose skin and scars (like me), whatever you look like you have to accept yourself regardless or you won't get where you want to be and you won't stay where you want to be.  It really is about loving all of yourself inside and out. 

I can honestly say since my trip to Victoria Secrets with my girlfriend I have looked in the mirror more times than not and actually smiled at myself and thought "you look pretty good Dawn" lol.  I still find myself picking at things when I'm naked but with clothes on I see a pretty normal looking body shape.  I also want to say that when I notice other women even chubby ones I always seem to notice their good traits.  I think any of us can look good at any size it really is about how we carry and think of ourselves, bottom line.  I mean I bet anyone can think of a person they saw out that clearly didn't think much of themselves because you could see it in how they dressed, acted and carried themselves.  I can bet too those were the people that you felt bad for not for those people that were strutting their stuff no matter what their shape or size :)  At least that's how I always feel. 

Well I'm feeling back to my old self and it feels good.  I'm not needing meds, I'm not needing food, I'm just needing a good attitude :) goodness how easy is that?  Sometimes you just want to kick yourself for being silly. 

Till next time...