Computer Training is Over

Well the computer training is over and I think I did ok.  Felt like I got the grasp of things and it didn't seem so overwhelming to me.  I hopefully asked enough questions lol and will be ok on my own.  Bossman said he'd like us all switched over by the end of the year so that feels like enough time to move into it without it feeling terrible. 

I've been doing my 5 things a day and it's been feeling good.  It really makes me realize that over all I'm pretty nice to people :) But now I can put it on my list so when I let 2 women go in front of me in line at the store twice this week I felt good doing my acts of kindness and to think it cost me so little in time or effort.  I think smiling is the same way too, giving them out are free afterall :) or a kind word or two like "you look nice today" or "thanks for doing that for me" or "you're good at that".  Just makes you think about what kind of person you are compared to others.  Thankfully I mostly surround myself with nice folks to that also give me lots of that same kind of kindness.

TOPS was Wednesday and both Mike and I were down on the scale.  It felt like it took minimum effort on my part too.  I had cooked and packed lunches and stuff last Sunday for the week so it was easy all week just grabbing stuff in the morning for my lunch box.  I plan to continue doing as much of that as I can.  I still have quite a bit in the freezer still too so need to eat that stuff up. 


I took a PIYO class on Thursday.  There were only 4 of us in the class and I felt like the old broke down woman since the other 3 ladies were in their early 20's lol but I kind of did it to myself since I did a 2 mile fast walk (4-4.6 mph 0-6 incline) before the class so I ended up having calf cramps throughout the class.  I could tell though how well it stretched me so I think I might start going every Thursday since I could use more stretching.  It worked me out too and had some relaxing in there too at the end so it felt good to me.  

I didn't have any plans this weekend other than my long walk.  Mike worked yesterday so I got up and headed out for my walk around 8:30.  It still got HOT, so walked in about 100 degree weather, I did 8 miles.  The marathon training kind of jumps around so next week I have to do a 12 mile walk.  The 8 felt kind of hard to me since I hadn't done a training long walk in several weeks.  I didn't do much of it fast walking either and ended up with a pretty darn slow time.  I'm starting to get nervous about the time constraint and not really sure what to do about that.  So for now I'm just going to put in the miles and wait till the walking clinic and hope that will help me pick up the pace without having the hip pain issues.

Thursday was the first time I had been to the gym in like 3 weeks.  It made me realize I've been doing ALL my exercise outside these days.  I just much prefer a real walk or a real bike ride to the gym.  I have been missing my weight lifting though. I also realized today that I've lost some of my muscle mass.  Kind of bummed me out but the plan is after the marathon I'm going to find a happy balance for myself again with everything.  


I'm just in a different place now emotionally and I really want my exercise to reflect that.  I feel I have spent way to much time putting in super amounts of time exercising because of my over eating.  I really want to just have a good balance there where I'm exercising more out of enjoyment than requirement.  I see a plan of maybe 3 days cardio and 2-3 days weight lifting. 


I got my NY books and have been reading a lot and trying to get a game plan for our time in the city.  I'm not going to lock much in for us though just more play it by ear.  Hopefully we will be able to figure out the subway enough to get us around to the different areas I'd like to see.  I want it to just feel leisurely to us too and not feel like we are rushing from one place to the other.  Really for me I don't feel like I need to see a lot it's really just about Mike and I spending quality time together.  We both are really looking forward to it.  The kids are looking forward to going to grannie's too so it's a win win for everyone.  


Today Marie and I went to the local pool.  It was so nice.  We ended up seeing one of the little girls on her soccer team there who was with her family so we ended up hanging with them.  We played some water volleyball and did a lot of laughing and chasing the ball.  I can say I barely thought about my arm scars or thighs or much else concerning my body.  I was wearing a new swimsuit I had bought not long ago and after looking at all the shapes and size of people around me I definitely realized I had nothing to be embarrassed of.  I was just a regular person going to the pool with her daughter and having a good time.  It really feels good feeling ok about myself finally.


I think another thing I need to work on is this need I seem to have to share the fact I've lost weight when I'm in a situation that feels uncomfortable.  Like at the gym on Thursday after the class I felt the need to tell the instructor about my weight loss because I felt I had been so lame in class.  But honestly my lameness was because I had already worked my body pretty good before the class.  There is some lameness though with my knees and not always being able to bend like everyone else but I need to work on just talking about arthritis in my knees not go on to talk about carrying around all the extra weight for so many years.  Yes, my knees are bad because of that but  I really need to not feel the need to share that when I'm feeling self conscious about not always being able to do things.  


I really do want to be about who I am not how I use to be.  Bottom line I was me at 378 lbs and I'm still me now.  I really don't need to share that information with people unless I think it could help someone or it benefits the situation in some way.  Lately it seems like a justification to me for other reasons.  So that's something I'm going to work on.  To just be good enough for who I am today.  


Guess I should get up and get some cooking done.  Almost took a nap after I got home from the pool.  I haven't been in a long time and boy can several hours at the pool wear ya out not to mention it's about 102 here today.  But boy it felt nice :) My whole weekend was really nice.


Till next time...