Tuesday

Yesterday was a bit weird, came home to everyone sleeping.  It's 5:30pm and everyone is sleeping? You would think I would love having the alone time and a quiet house of just me and the cats roaming around but I found myself feeling kind of down, lonely.  Usually I come home, make sure everyone's fed then I gear up and head to the gym.  So with no dinner to make I just sat on the computer reading some blogs and playing some games.  2 hours went by and still no one had woke up.  So I hit the road for the gym. 

The gym was pretty crowded for being so late but that's typical for a Monday.  It was weird though that it was like the biggest loser contest reunion as there were many of contest folks working out.  I did talk to one older guy for a few mins and he seemed to be doing good since the contest said he was starting to workout with one of the trainers.  I had a good workout though I was feeling kind of tired but put in 45 mins of weight lifting and 30 mins of cardio so I was feeling good about that.

After the gym I headed home.  I was still feeling kind of down though so thought I'd try calling my niece again (for like the 4th time in 2 weeks).  Well she didn't answer.  So then I tried another friend, again no answer, and another, no answer.  By that point I was starting to feel weepy.  Like I had no friends, like no one wanted to talk to me, yep good and sorry for myself.  Finally I called a friend and she answered.  I usually just email with her daily so a call from me was unusual and what do I do?  I cry all over her :(  But of course she was her usual sweet supportive self she is through email and we had a really nice chat and she gave me a good peptalk.  She's the one I've known online for like 10 yrs and will get to meet at the end of September.  It will be so great to finally get to give her a hug :)

Anyway, when I got home I was feeling much better. Everyone was up and it seemed life as normal.  I think I just got feeling that way thinking about my extended family and my longest friend and how it just seems like I have to adjust to how things are now.  I still miss my girlfriend, I think of her everyday, wonder how she's doing.  I almost texted her last night but I knew it wasn't going to make me feel less lonely probably more if anything when she didn't reply right away or not at all.  Sometimes letting go is what we have to do but it also takes time.

It's like with the struggle with food.  It's about working on letting it go, not making food so important in my life.  Not having it at the top of the list.  So many other things can be at the top.  I talked about not having any real life friends but really I do it's just about moving them closer to the top to let the other things fall lower in the list.  If I'm suppose to be at the top of the list shouldn't my loved ones and closest friends be there too?  Food should be somewhere at the bottom, maybe like above brushing my teeth lol.  It's about putting things in the right order :) I'm working on it.

I've had 4 days of decent eating now and each day I add just makes me that much stronger in knowing I got this :) Back in the 180's today too doesn't hurt. Positive thinking, that really is the key, chin up, chin up I say :)

Till next time...