I was trying to think what kindness I did yesterday and the only thing I could come up with was making breakfast for the family. Usually it's Mike that makes us Sunday breakfast but I thought I'd give him a break :) It's been really nice having more meals together as a family. Nick still doesn't eat what we do but we make him what he likes and him just being at the table with us is good :)
I feel like I have so many appts coming up yet I can't seem to get them all straight in my head. I guess I should write them down on my calendar as I think of them. I seem to keep my calendar at work always a month behind lol. It's as easy as taking it off the wall and changing it yet I never seem to manage it till the month is almost over (as I sit here looking at September).
Yes, I did get up this morning and go to the gym. It was body pump class and though I felt I did kind of light with the weights I'm sure I'll be feeling it in the next day or two. I haven't lifted weights in about 2 weeks so I thought easing back into it was the best plan. Tomorrow is spin class and I'm looking forward to it though I'm sure it will wear me out since it's been about a week and a half since my last spin class. Leading up to the half I found myself just walking so getting back into my old routine will be good for me. It was good seeing the trainers and the ladies I've been taking classes with.
I'm having some pain in my left knee, I have arthritis in both knees. I got a thing in the mail from the Ortho doc saying it was time for a checkup, it's been over a year now I think. I think when I do go I'm going to ask for an x-ray of the left shoulder since it seems to stay hurting. Can't say I'm thrilled about the idea of finding out anything is wrong with the knees or the shoulder but I know burying my head in the sand isn't good either. I also need to go to have the kidney scan about the kidney stones and the mammogram the doc wrote me up a slip for. Again, I'm avoiding. I've just had so much on my mind lately I haven't wanted to think about my own issues. But I know getting everything taken care of is always the best plan. I go next week to have the pressure checked in my eyes. Hopefully it will be the same or less than last time.
It's beautiful here today, a bit cool, only in the 50's but still very pretty out. I'm hoping to get a walk in when I get home after work. I haven't been down my road in awhile and I'm missing it.
Driving home from the gym this morning I found myself tearing up with how thankful I feel that my mom is going to be ok. It really is a huge weight off me.
As for the weight, it's still up. I found myself eating Saturday like I haven't in a long time. It still frustrates me when I find myself falling back into old ways. Honestly I think it was because of the fall rally and having so many good compliments. Why good compliments should make me eat seems ridiculous but often I find when I'm the motivation/inspiration for others it's like I want to punish myself because I feel like a fraud. I know I'm not a fraud I'm just a flawed person like everyone else. I have to stop beating myself up for my flaws. I need to just love all sides of myself and realize that I'll never be perfect and I'm not suppose to be and really that is what people find motivating and inspiring about me that I'm just like they are.
Sunday I felt like I got a grip on myself and my eating was much better. But I felt kind of grumpy and moody when I should have been so happy after the good news about my mom. Again it was because I chose to just relax all day and not do a lot. It's these thoughts that go through my head that "you ate like a pig yesterday so you should be making up for it today with more exercise" but I need to realize that it doesn't always work that way and having a day off with or without extra eating is ok.
I'm still working on that balance for myself. Still working on loving all sides of myself, the negative and the positive, the relaxer and the mover, the motivated and the unmotivated and the list goes on. It again reminds me of what Nick said not to long ago "just do something mom or don't but shut up about it". I need to be ok with whatever decisions I make for myself. I do need to keep in mind though what decision will make me feel best emotionally and physically, that is what I need to focus on. If I really am trying to fix myself happy then I need to do what will push me towards happiness.
It is a better Monday than I've had in awhile :) It's pretty quiet here at work today too. I'm looking forward to the day being over and getting home to the sunshine and family :)
Till next time...