I don't know how many times I've wrote about "My Road" but today I just kept thinking about coming here and writing about it. I got to take my first real walk today since I broke my foot back in October. Boy how totally wonderful it was. I found myself welling up with tears of joy to be out in the sunshine walking again. It was a cool 60 degrees but I was totally loving every minute of it. I kept wishing I had brought my phone so I could have taken a picture. I'm hoping tomorrow will be another good day before it's suppose to turn cold again so I can take another walk. It just does my soul so much good to be out on my road :) I couldn't help but keep smiling as I walked and then seeing the Bay was just .... well I can't even describe it :) The ankle still isn't the best and it's feeling pretty stiff now but I think as I walk more and continue to stretch it more it will continue to get stronger.
I've had a mixed bag of a week, my emotions have been all over the place. But I know that's normal sometimes as we think far too much about stuff. I will be seeing my family next weekend. I'm finally going for the Christmas visit I never took. My sister's (Kevin's mom) Birthday was yesterday too and so I sent her a card. I found it harder than I thought to pick a card out for her. I don't know if we will ever talk again but she continues to send my kids cards so I will continue to send her one on her Birthday. Hopefully at some point we will find a way to have a relationship again. Growing up she was always the one I was closest too.
I will see my mom, my other sister, my niece and my best friend on this visit. I haven't seen my best friend since July. I texted her this week to say I would like to see her and she said she'd love to see me so that's a good sign :) I've missed her greatly and I'm hopeful our break has been healing for both of us. We are coming up on 38 years of friendship, I just can't imagine life totally without her. We've had our rocky patches but I will always love her and hope to stay friends even if it's from afar.
Thinking about her this week made me think a lot about friendship and what it means to me. I really am a forever friend and it's so hard for me to let go. I guess I don't feel friendships ever have to be let go of even if breaks are taken. If anything I think it often makes for a better, stronger friendship down the road.
I've also been thinking about what a good friendship is. I've not had many friendships as I've always isolated myself. I've found as I shed the weight I also have allowed myself to open up to new friendships that have been so very meaningful to me over the past several years. Of course having healthy friendships has also made me realize what a not healthy friendship looks like. I'd like to think though like I said that any friendship can be made better and stronger with care and true desire to heal any hurt feelings. I'd like to think I make a pretty good friend :)
I've played over in my head a lot this week what I want to say to my best friend. Things I should have said to her several years ago when she really needed to hear them. I feel I've often painted a poor picture of her here as she's often hurt my feelings. But I think that was just us both not really knowing how to be a good friend, not knowing what a good friendship looked like. I'm hopeful we've both changed enough in the past few years to be able to dish out just love to each other without judgement or resentment.
The kids and I went to the cat castle today for our weekly volunteering. This week it was grumbles from Marie lol. I thought about letting her off the hook but then I decided to stick to my guns and make her go. After we got there she had a good time and didn't mind working or hanging with the kitties. As for Casadia, I found out she's been with them 9 yrs, so I don't think I'm going to win her over quickly. But I'm not giving up on her. I'm going to keep trying and hoping. She was more nervous today I think because there were more small children there. But after I left her room she got in the chair I was sitting in and laid there so I think that's a good sign. I'm going to try to find some stuff online about feral cats and maybe get some tips. She wouldn't take treats from my hand today but she enjoyed the can cat food I gave her so I will continue trying bribery lol.
My fitness this week has been pretty good, 4 weight lifting workouts but not much cardio. Need to work on fitting more in. Hopefully if the weather warms up I will be able to get more walking in which will definitely help. Food has been a mixed bag. My emotions being what they've been I've used food some this week but just trying to be kind to myself and not beat myself up over it.
Got my haircut yesterday, picked a new style for myself and it really made me feel good :) I have to keep reminding myself it's the little things and self care that can make all the difference in how I'm feeling about myself.
Till next time...